waiting

where are you? and what's taking you so long...
remind me later to be mad at your tardiness-
you know, after i'm done being grateful for your arrival.
i miss you in a way that hurts.

that's how i know you're real.

red balloon

like a red balloon i let you go,
i saw you drift, i watched you float
right out of my life
though you stayed in sight
against the grey skies
for some time,
for some time...

the good news

all the days that i've tried
all the nights that i cried and prayed to sleep
only to dream of you
all the ways that i fight
how i've tried with my might to find
the light; a way to tunnel through

and i feel like i've done all the right things
i've done what i'm supposed to do
i feel like i've earned the right now
to healing and something new
could i have healing for something new?

cuz it took me so long to get to
where i was before you
and now,
i'm broken down.
and as painful as this all is to me
i know it won't always be
but i
can no longer fight.
and i've tried so hard and for so long
i deserve to just feel strong
i deserve for this to be gone...
but here's the good news:
some day, i will be over you.

that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger
well, i'm still here
so how much longer til the strength?
or should strength feel like pain?

sparkling concrete

It was a crisp, dewey morning. The kind where you can smell it will be warmer later so you don't wear a coat, even though it's cold, 'cause you know you'll just end up carrying it for most of the day. I was in a decent mood for someone who isn't a morning person. The air was hopeful as it always is on those first days of spring after a blistery winter.

I was walking down the street marvelling at the sidewalk and how someone thought to mix glitter in with the concrete so it would sparkle in the sunlight. It was one of those charming innovations like playing "Singing in the Rain" over the produce section when the mini sprinklers water the vegetables in the grocery store. Unnecessary, but charming. Extra effort for charming-sake. Sparkling concrete- who would've thought. And it was just as I was considering whether they use regular glitter or if there was some special glitter that particularly bonded with concrete that it happened. I wish I had a more momentous scenario to depict for you, but this was honestly it. Let me start from the beginning...

a lifetime would be nice

and everytime i'm certain
you make sure that i'm not
and when i try to walk away
you make me stop
you know, this is a worthless fight
cuz i'm never gonna do what's right
when you can change my mind
on the turn of a dime

cheesy and girly and silly- oh my!

you're a kiss on the cheek
you're the skip of a heartbeat
you're strong in a way
that let's my knees know they're weak
you're the touch of a hand
a sidelong stolen glance
you're a boy underneath
who knows how to be a man

you're so delicious
just wanna kiss you
this cycle is vicious-
i keep coming back to you

cuz you make me sing
you make me sing
you make me sing in a way that I don't care who's listening
you make me sing...yeah...yeah:)

gravity

He gallantly extended his hand towards me and I peered up into his eyes. His confident expression faltered and I saw longing, sadness, and even fear behind it. He was really trying and it wasn't easy. I couldn't tell which one of us was more terrified. His hand just stayed there suspended before me as an offering and I realised he'd never been more vulnerable. Finally, I lightly draped my fingers on his palm. In the next second, he pulled me towards him as one draws in breath and my hesitant body unfurled into his chest.

23

i think this is the last piece of "danielosophy" material to be salvaged from the random bits of scrap paper and notebooks. just found this on a small piece of cardboard in a drawer! i should really work on my organisational skills....

"And there was heartbreak in your eyes
When you'd hold me a bit too tight
Your sorrow came through,
Cuz we were never meant to be
No wish I made when twenty-three
Ever came true.
I closed my eyes and blew out candles for you
But I was only 23."

california

Give me California
Give me young dreams
Take me to a place
To a place I can believe in
Walk me down the streets of Carmel
Baby, can't you tell
That I'm longing for the light
Give me songs that changed my life
Oh, give me California.

tulips

i loved you forever
a long time ago
we lived out a lifetime
but you'll never know

i made you so happy
you learned how to grow
we had three bright children
that you'll never know

we bought a small house
planted tulips in rows
fought about my decor,
good thing you'll never know.

we spent christmas eve
at your cold island home
with your cold family
like you didn't know

you sifted through jobs
as i taught and i wrote
helped you find your true calling
now you'll never know.

we moved that one summer
and my favorite vase broke
you laughed when i cried
lucky that you don't know

your dad passed away
and you couldn't cope
but i held you each day
not that you'll ever know

our kids went to uni
and got married and so
we felt old together
though you'll never know

i had a health scare
you tried not to show
how you thought you might lose me
but you'll never know.

we sold the big house
used the money to go
all the places we'd dreamed of
not that you'll ever know.

i stroked your face daily
said, "i love you, you know"
and you smiled and nodded
but now you won't know

you left this world first
cuz you needed me most
tulips garnished your grave
though you'd never know.

i loved you forever
but you let me go
so none of this happened
and you'll never know.

i will believe

I'm wond'ring why
My life never goes how I wanted
I'm awake tonight
Grieving dreams that are departed

So sing a song,
Sing a song for me,
Sing a sad song...
Sing a song,
Sing a song for me,
Sing a sad song and I will believe
I'll believe, I'll believe

things to understand about the storm cloud blog

this isn't really a blog so much as it is a dumping ground for my writing.

it's sort of personal, but if i cared that badly about people reading it, it wouldn't be online...duh.

not everything is time/date accurate. a lot of these things i post once they're old, either because i've dealt with it and am releasing it, i forgot about it and put it up there to remind myself to work on it, or i found it on some scrap of paper and put it here so as to not potentially lose it completely.

there are mainly pictures of myself, not cuz i'm vain but because my self-portraits are normally to represent something i was feeling and have a meaning to me that i know noone else gets.

this is not necessarily an accurate example of my writing. this is rough, uncultivated, off the top of my head, emotional stuff.

rosebuds and storm clouds

rosebuds and storm clouds, you told me.
you said you were smitten,
or was it smited?
my heart plus 'that smile', so blinding,
the words that were written,
requited,

but you, you didn't know what you were doing,
started a game without knowing the rules,
and while you were ignorantly pursuing,
thoughtless compliments became nothing but cruel
you were nothing but cruel....


rosebud lips,
storm cloud eyes,
gave one a kiss,
made the others cry,
rosebud lips,
storm cloud eyes,
brought one to life,
made the others die,

rosebuds and storm clouds you told me,
you said you were smitten,
or was it smited?
my heart with my smile, so blinding
how could you resist?
how could anyone fight it?

but you, you didn't know what you were doing,
started a game without knowing the rules
and while you were ignorantly, selfishly pursuing
your thoughtless compliments became nothing but cruel
you were nothing but cruel
you made me love you
you didn't have to
but you made me love you
and it was nothing but cruel

nothing but- rosebuds and storm clouds you told me
you told me
you told me...

:)

your eyes dance over me
your lips breathe symphonies
of compliments...